I used to count days, weeks and months since I last saw you. Now it's been a year. A year since I saw you, two years since you were real, three years since we were real.
The sound of your voice is not known anymore. I can't hear it inside my head, no matter how much I try won't I be able to remember what it sounded like. I have been missing it for so long, but now I am afraid of being reminded of it. Nothing that happened with us was supposed to happen. Bad luck? Or was faith just a bitch? I was so sure we would never be apart.
During the time you were real I could still hear you laughter, see your tears and feel your presence. I was standing outside; looking in. I watched you to make sure you were fine, even though I was not a part of your life the way I was before. It was hard and I was hurt. I know you were too; I always knew how you felt. Because that is how well we knew each other.
During the time we were real we always had our struggles. You had the biggest one. But we had an admirable understanding for each other, and that helped us a lot. I had never been that close to anyone before; you helped me open up for you and let go off all the things I carried inside. But we started to burst. We could not hold each other up anymore. We teared us apart. I told you about how hard it was. It was so hard to be strong when you needed me to. You did not want to hear. You could not understand that I could not hold you up when I was already flat out on the ground. That was the end of us. And it was the end of my stability.
Today it seems like our time together did not happen. It seems like you do not exist. That you never did. The only traces you left are the pain I constantly feel in my body, and the stories my mind tells me in sleep about a girl that once was. I have been struggling for so long now, I can't feel anything when I hear your name. It is just the ghost that haunts me in a distant memory.
Now that you are slowly fading into my life again I feel lost. I am lost and you can't find me. It scares me to know you are there. You are at the same places as I am, but I can not see you. Maybe because I am not ready. Or maybe because I just do not want to. It scares me to know that anytime, anywhere, you may catch my eye and the dream will become real again. Please don't haunt me anymore.
The sound of your voice is not known anymore. I can't hear it inside my head, no matter how much I try won't I be able to remember what it sounded like. I have been missing it for so long, but now I am afraid of being reminded of it. Nothing that happened with us was supposed to happen. Bad luck? Or was faith just a bitch? I was so sure we would never be apart.
During the time you were real I could still hear you laughter, see your tears and feel your presence. I was standing outside; looking in. I watched you to make sure you were fine, even though I was not a part of your life the way I was before. It was hard and I was hurt. I know you were too; I always knew how you felt. Because that is how well we knew each other.
During the time we were real we always had our struggles. You had the biggest one. But we had an admirable understanding for each other, and that helped us a lot. I had never been that close to anyone before; you helped me open up for you and let go off all the things I carried inside. But we started to burst. We could not hold each other up anymore. We teared us apart. I told you about how hard it was. It was so hard to be strong when you needed me to. You did not want to hear. You could not understand that I could not hold you up when I was already flat out on the ground. That was the end of us. And it was the end of my stability.
Today it seems like our time together did not happen. It seems like you do not exist. That you never did. The only traces you left are the pain I constantly feel in my body, and the stories my mind tells me in sleep about a girl that once was. I have been struggling for so long now, I can't feel anything when I hear your name. It is just the ghost that haunts me in a distant memory.
Now that you are slowly fading into my life again I feel lost. I am lost and you can't find me. It scares me to know you are there. You are at the same places as I am, but I can not see you. Maybe because I am not ready. Or maybe because I just do not want to. It scares me to know that anytime, anywhere, you may catch my eye and the dream will become real again. Please don't haunt me anymore.
